Plato. He's pretty awesomeness. Symposium was good on the first read. The second read-through just to skim for key points blew my mind. Pretty sure I'll need to read it again before session. And talk to lots of Morgan House kids about it. And my mentor. And other mentors. And Dr. Reynolds. And then write my paper on it/Anna Karenina and have my mind blown some more.
Love kinda blows my mind. There's just so much of it here. I don't deserve any of it at all, the encouragement, the support, the hugs and compliments and patience. Maybe that's why it's called grace. I don't accept grace very easily. But I am so grateful for it nonetheless.
Grenade. Depressing song. I hope I've never been like that to anyone. I hope I've returned the love I've been given. Cause I'd catch a grenade for all of you...and I know you'd do the same. Still...catchy song :)
Catchy but depressing songs-John Mayer. Kinda mildly obsessed with his music sometimes. Learning Heart of Life on guitar and Dreaming with a Broken Heart on piano would be a successful accomplishment this semester.
It's kinda awkward sitting alone in the caf on a computer, wanting to sing your heart out and not being able to. Not that I'd do it if I weren't alone, but still. I wish practice rooms could fit more people, so people could just come chill while I messed around on the piano. I don't think I hate playing for people anymore. Probably a good thing, since I'll have to keep doing it for the next for years. It's easier with people I trust though.
It's been a long week. Lots on my mind, starting to weigh me down. Sometimes it feels hopeless, all the backsliding into depression and stress and anxiety each time I resolve to simply live and love and rejoice. But God's been there to pick me up every time I've fallen. So I should probably believe that He'll keep being there. And the cool thing is, people have been too. So I should probably stop doubting that they really love me. To everyone I've been driving crazy this week with my irrational fears, I'm sorry. To everyone I've vented to during the worst possible times, I'm sorry. To God, I'm sorry for failing. Thanks for loving me anyways. And for not making my works a condition of your love. Cause otherwise I'd be screwed.
I'm still sick after three weeks of coughing. Sometimes I think I'm just gonna keep coughing for the rest of my life. Which, other than the fact that everything is just sore now, wouldn't be as bad as a perpetual headache or something. But it just makes everything hurt...shoulders, back, ribs, throat, lungs...yadayadayada and I'm gonna stop complaining now. Cause life is pretty good. When my neck hurts, people give me backrubs. When I'm super tired, people give me awesome hugs. When I'm doubting my friends' love, someone tells me how much I mean to them. When I doubt God's presence, He gives me reminders through people, through music, through His word. When I'm hungry for more than I can find on this earth, God reminds me that there is more than this earth to look forward to. When I try and fill a void with guys, music, keeping busy, distractions, etc., God takes it all away, so He can fill the void.
"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint"
-Isaiah 40:28-31
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