Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Save Me From My Silence

Save Me From My Silence


An empty room, an empty page

I sit and stare in silence

I tried to write a song tonight

But nothing came but silence


Come, will you be my melody

The remedy for my quiet

Give me a song to sing

And save me from my silence,

Please save me from my silence


I wrote the words I wanted you

To hear me sing tonight 

I tried to write the melody

But silence filled the night


Come, will you be my melody

The remedy for my quiet

Give me a song to sing

And save me from my silence,

Please save me from my silence


I searched for a remedy

For the silence still binding me

Won’t you be my melody 



Come, will you be my melody

The remedy for my quiet

Give me a song to sing

And save me from my silence,

Please save me from my silence

Come save me from my silence

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Band members wanted.

Must agree with the objective beauty of music.  

Preferably classically trained.

Non-philosophers need not apply.

P. S. this post is only partly tongue-in-cheek :P

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Adding to the Noise

So much has been going on lately, and every new situation has just been adding to the stress and general anxiety of being a senior and being a human being living with human beings.  

Shakespeare is an amazing class-we've got a fantastic group, we have good discussions and I love the papers; Faith is difficult, the testing ground of Torrey, but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right?

Emotional girls should just get mood rings and save their friends the wanting to murder them, right?  I used to hate Christmas, I love it now; I was so anxious and worried, and now I'm pretty cool with life; I had no hope and there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me you Reliant K, you got it so right :P

music makes me so happy...coldplay singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, Coldplay live album free, anything coldplay=wonderful bliss; just discovered Jack's Mannequin and love them; Copeland Do You Hear What I Hear is fantastic; waiting for mae's (a)fternoon EP; i love music

Dominican is coming!!!!!  two months and ten days or so!!!!!  need money...

So that's my life right now...Merry Christmas everyone!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Faded Photos and Long Lost Lace

Deliberate recollection of long lost pasts,
Shoved in a box in the farthest recesses of her mind
in a moment of frustration and regret.  Now
recovered and remembered-faded snapshots
of the misty mornings together with sunlight
and joylight shining in your eyes; crisp
clear images of first best loves and tears.

Each memory a photograph imprinted
on your mind forever-replaying them is like 
watching Gone With The Wind over and over-
too painful to bear but beautiful
in a morbidly tragic sort of way.

When he was lost to you forever,
did you relieve your last together in your mind?
Playing nightly photo reels of the days
you shared, before the loss set in like a storm.

To replay memories like faded
fragmented melodies, remembering
last best loves and living
in the past-loving the gone-bye days
which are no more-retreating, retreating,
sliding backwards because 
the present is bare, the future
unknown-turn your face away
 from the loss you face today-

In the past there is no loss,
for you cannot lose what
you do not possess and cannot grasp-
in the past is no pain-the past
is safer than the present, she muses.

Retreat into the attic to
leaf through old photos endlessly
reliving the days when he 
was here with you
until the faded song
fades too long and you are left
with whispers of tears
and promises long since 

Black-and-white nostalgia is bare but beautiful
Memories playing a record while you sleep

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A year ago today,
You thought you had everything
Essential for the creation of the perfect
life of love and joy.  Family happy,
friends adoring, beloved waiting...

As cranberry and potato and pie
scents waft from the kitchen, creating
eclectic combinations that define
this day, the multiplicity of loves
you held in your heart swirled
and surrounded you in a 
variegated cocoon of true joy.

Family still surrounds, friends
still abound, some loves are 
lost, but new loves have been found.
One year ago you stood surrounded
by outer and inner scents of joys.
Today you hope to be as grateful
for the blessings you almost
didn't realize you had until
you nearly lost them.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Snippets of Quotes and Things

"Waiting for the rain to stop, Destinations Beautiful, seems like I'm still waiting for the sun..."~Mae, Sun

"After Hero’s tragic miss at wedded bliss... "-myself in this quarter's Shakespeare reflection essay

"When peace like a river attendeth my way,/ When sorrows like sea billows roll,/ Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say/ It is well, it is well with my soul."-It Is Well

"I never expected to hear Amy say, 'It's ok, Daniel, I'll always be here for you.' followed by the words 'Yah, but I think I'm pregnant'"-Daniel Ma

"I'm ready to live, I'm ready to dream, I'm ready for fear and love and everything in between"-We Shot the Moon, Hope

Monday, October 12, 2009

So I didn't go to Lancaster because I came down with a fever again on Thursday mom thinks I had swine flu. Bleh.  

In other news, clep tests continue to abound, I should be practicing much more piano if I really want to have a senior recital, I missed out on mae and Deas Vail last night :(  and I got a new phone :)  Its very pretty, which makes me happyish.  

I need peace and quiet, I need to trust in God rather than managing everything myself but I can't let go for very long...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just an update on my life...
...I'm sick :(  Fever, back ache, and head ache last night, still have a cough today but must get better by Friday because...

...I'm going to Lancaster to do a Spanish production of Speechless and outreach ministry work over the weekend!!!  Leaving this Friday and staying the weekend as long as I'm not sick...

...which will partly be dependent on how stressed I am between now and then, which was part of what brought on being sick...

...because I have two reflection essays due tomorrow, getting ready for Lancaster, college applications, etc...crazy busy :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

New Home do you all like the new format?  Should I keep it, or put it back to the green, or to the original pink or something alltogether new?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Eager anticipation as the big night approaches,
Primping and prinking as for a big ball
The first night out, hair in places, clothes exactly so
This skirt or that, which shoes are perfect, which skirt
will swing and sway with the music?

Arriving, empty room, ballroom floor
with hidden promise, what secrets 
will be whispered in your hidden corners?
What dynamic duos will dance their hearts out
to the music of a past generation, putting their
every feeling into their feet, letting the music
move them, sway them, swing them to the
contagious rhythms played on the now-empty floor?

And then, you arrive, the moment I've been waiting for
all my life, or for twenty minutes.  Our eyes meet,
the unspoken question answered before it is
asked, and you take my hand, you take command
as we swing and sway, twisting and turning
the rhythm inside of us being spoken to the 
audible music, a physical dialogue of bodies
and sound being played out on this
dance floor of our dreams.  

Too soon it ends, the magic, the night, the dance,
The song is over, the dialogue has been
halted, yet the music plays on in my head
as I walk out, swinging and swaying to
this rhythm, swing song, singing songs
of love and life and the music that is
filling my feet, filling my heart, filling
my life.  Next time, the dialogue will be longer.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Midsummer Night pull question

Elizabeth H. Bush
Mr. Bartel
TA Yorba Linda
Pull Question-Midsummer Night's Dream
September 24, 2009

Is love in our world as arbitrary as the love of the enchanted lovers in A Midsummer Night's Dream?

In the world of the lovers of  A Midsummer Night's Dream, love itself seems to be a dream, mixed up, topsy turvy, and never constant.  First, Demetrius and Lysander are in love with Hermia, while Helena is left to love Demetrius without return.  Then by the aid of Puck's magic potion, both Demetrius and Lysander turn their eyes upon Helena, abandoning their previous paramore, Hermia.  In the end, the original lovers, Lysander and Hermia, are reunited, while Dmetrius turns back to his first love Helena through the aid of another of Puck's magic potions.  It seems to me however, that the constancy and fidelity of love in Shakespeare can be called into question by the example of these lovers, who fall in and out of love at the mere drop of a hat.
"But that is merely the effect of faeries' magic," you may argue, "and my lover and I will remain true to one another forever."  Yes, granted, Hermia, Helena, Lysander, and Demetrius' love was confused and shuffled through the potion, but in the end, does not Demetrius wed Helena still under the effect of that same potion?  Romantic love such as is portrayed by Shakespeare is just as magical, mysterious, arbitrary, and incomprehensible in our day as it was in his.  Falling in love is something no scientist can explain, no psychologist can rationalize.  Like faerie's magic, eros is something that comes upon us unawares, bewitching our minds and altering our senses.  While it lasts, we are caught in its grasp, unable to explain why we do what we do except by attributing it to love.  Yet it may leave as suddenly as it comes, leaving us bewildered, yet seemingly sober and rational.  Our lovers, like deserted Hermia and Helena, may follow us with tragic laments, accusing us of infidelity and instability, but this is eros.  Like the faeries who caused it, eros is a sprite, a feather in the wind, fickle and inconstant, blowing whither it will.  
Is there then no hope for lovers in the world?  For those who choose to submit to the passion of eros, must htey also accept its arbitraryness?  Do we fall in love wilfully knowing that we may as quickly fall out of love?  Those who have loved pray that it is not so, but unfortunately it often is.  With no faerie potions to alter our vision and direct our emotions, causing us to love another until the faeries choose to remove that love, we of the modern world must manage our own love affairs as best we can with little but our own hearts to guide us, and as seen in Shakespeare, these hearts can be as fickle as the faeries themselves.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Soundtrack to My Life-Part 25

So I think its time for some new music...and I've been listening to a lot of new music lately courtesy of Daniel :)  So lots of happy alt rock bands this week :)
1) Shoreline-Deas Vail-I just discovered this band, and I think they're amazing :)  They're touring with Mae for their (a)fternoon tour, so I decided to listen to them before the concert...very very good :)
2) Fix You-Coldplay-my new favorite Coldplay song :)  Reminds me a lot of Death and All His Friends, musically speaking, but the chorus(es) are very good lyrically too
3) Bad Day-the first time I heard this song was an Alvin and the Chipmunks cover, and I remember thinking...hey this would be a good song if it weren't for the chipmunk voices, so I was excited to find that they weren't the only ones to sing it.  It's a catchy sort of song, so it sticks in your head really easily :P  Try not to get it stuck after listening to it a few times...nearly impossible.
4) Amazing, Because It Is-The Almost-fantastic song, fantastic band (tooth and nail, so of course they're good), fantastic pantomime :)
5) Just Let Go-mae-another good song, from singularity this time, which i don't listen to as much..but it's a really good song.  Their new EP is out now!!!!  on iTunes!!!!  its excellent, go listen to it :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

The doom of men is upon me, or what in the world have I just done, or...

...oh my goodness I just submitted my college applications to Providence and Biola!!!  Help!  I must now await with baited breath the outcome of these applications into which I have poured blood, sweat, and tears...well maybe not blood, or sweat, except for when we didn't have the AC on, and no tears...well, you get what I mean ;)  But anyways, they're off!  Which means I can work on my THI application, and then...wait.  And then...make major decisions.  And by them.  Pray for me now and at the hour of my death.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Stories from Scotland

First off, my sincerest apologies to all those earnestly awaiting travel I did not bring the laptop, I have been unable to blog while on this trip :( However, in this our fourth hotel there's a computer in the lobby which I'm now using to give y'all a quick update on my travels in the bonnie land of Scotland.
It has been an absolutely amazing week thus far. Flying into Edinburg (pronounced Edinborough) on Monday, we quickly hit the ground running for three days of touring in and around Edinburg. Some of the highlights of that stay were Holyrood Palace, the official royal residence of Scotland, Abbotsford (Sir Walter Scott's country residence), walking the Royal Mile with an amazing godly Christian man who gave a fantastic tour and more insight into the lives of the Covananters in Scotland, trying haggis which Joshua ordered for dinner one night, and purchasing kilts for nearly all the family :)
Thursday morning we left Edinburg for another several days of touring, visiting several gorgeous castles and cathedrals including St. Andrew's Castle, Stirling Castle, the gorgeous ruins of Dunnotter Castle, and Melrose Abbey. Saturday was a nice break from all the travelling as our group spent the day at the Pitlochry Highland games to enjoy Highland dancing, tossing the caber, tug-of-war, and throwing the hammer. Whoever ridicules men in kilts has never seen kilted guys at Highland games...I am almost convinced that the kilt gives them the strength to toss those huge tree trunks :P
Sunday we left our second hotel for the Highlands, where we visited Loch Ness and Urquhart Castle and watched a few of our group go for a swim in the loch :) Sunday night several of our group spent a wonderful time of prayer and fellowship before a long night of sleep :) This morning we drove to Glencoe where several of our group took an epic hike to a hidden valley :) Scrambling up and down rocks, hiking high in the hill/mountains, crossing an ice cold stream (and for some of us, falling in an ice cold stream :P). The hike was a bit strenuous, but the views were just spectacular and I can't wait to bring home pictures for y'all. Speaking of which I'm clocking in at just under a thousand plus around 80 from Sarah's camera :) So plenty of pictures for all of you to enjoy. After the Glencoe hike we drove to our fourth hotel in Oban Bay, where we'll stay for the next two nights. Dinner is in a few minutes, and then an early bedtime as we'll be leaving here at 7AM for the Isles of Iona and Mull :)
Looking forward to seeing y'all when I return, and I promise to have more detailed stories and lots of pictures.
Under the mercy,

Saturday, September 5, 2009


...I call to hearth and hall, I must away at break of day.  Taken from Tolkien's brilliant song in The Hobbit, I believe, sung by the dwarves.  
Yes, I am now farewelling, and leaving home for Scotland, Isle of kilts and thistles, bagpipes and haggis.  Updates may be coming along with pictures, or they may all be given at the end of the trip; we shall see if laptop Chesterton voyages with me or not.  Until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of His hand.  Go under the mercy.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Wardrobe Doors to Better Worlds...

...aka some links which I wanted to share with all of you :)

First, an amazing blog post on Scriptorium Daily which literally hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.  Humility is something I daily struggle with, particularly in group discussions...therefore T. S. Eliot's quote about the wisdom of humility is the cover for my Faith of our Father's notebook :P  But this blog post is amazing and anyone who has ever been or ever will be in any sort of argument or discussion or debate should read this...and then lets talk!

Next and far less worthy though somewhat personally first blog post on the Wheatstone blog! Yes, I'm very excited...once again, read and then let's discuss.  :)

Finally, a wonderfully cute and fun online movie I recently discovered...I actually haven't seen the entire thing yet, as it's fairly long (45 minutes), but I've listened to the soundtrack and its such a cute musical :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Soundtrack to My Life-Part 24

So yes it's been a while since I've updated this...sorry :(  I've been busy prepping for our Scotland trip, getting ahead on FooF/Shakespeare papers, writing blog posts for Wheatstone (more about this in a later post), etc...but no longer shall I delay.  Here you go my dear friends!
1) White Winter Hymnal-Fleet Foxes-I haven't listened to much of this band, but I really love their sound-it's sorta a country naturey version of the Beach Boys, to me, and it just has a really fun, laid back acoustic sound with fantastic lyrics, and the song is so whimsical and cute :)
2) Death and All His Friends-Coldplay-I love the lyrics of this song..."I don't wanna battle from beginning to end,/ I don't wanna cycle, recycle revenge,/ I don't wanna follow Death and all his friends."  
3) On the Rise-Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog-if you've never heard of this, look it up on Hulu and watch's so hilariously cute and's brilliant yet amusing and tragic and fantastic...:)
4) Rachmaninoff Piano concerto no. 2-1st movement-absolutely brilliant and hauntingly gorgeous, the sort of music that gives you shivers...amazing
5) Music of the Night-Michael Crawford-yes, the legit one can do it like him...his voice gives me chills still...he even beats Raul at his own song in All I Ask of You...a Phantom with his voice and Gerard Butler's looks would be a part of my dream cast...along with Emmy Rossum as Christine, Minnie Driver as Carlotta, and Josh Groban as Raul :P

Friday, August 21, 2009

St. Annes-On-the-Hill

Someday...I want to have a home, where everyone is welcome at all times,
where there is always a kettle of tea boiling or a pot of coffee brewing, where I can reach
into the cupboard and pull out oatmeal chocolate chip cookies or a freshly baked tart
from the oven to serve to the friends who dropped by for a visit.  

Where laughter and tears are equally shared in comfy couches and chairs 
around a fire, where no topic of discussion is shied away from, where
everybody is free to speak their minds, and the Great Conversation
never ends, where the dialectic is pursued in love, where goodness
truth and beauty are earnestly sought after with true companions.

A home filled with beauty, art hanging on the walls from
dead masters and living companions skilled in drawing
or painting, where music is always filling the halls,
the piano lid is always open, or friends bring violins,
cellos, guitars, flutes, drums, and St. Anne's On The Hill
is never silent.  Voices raised in song, an admiring group
gathered to hear the latest story or poem, duets 
practiced, melodies intertwining in beautiful conversation.

A room filled with books, shelves upon shelves
of dark mahogany from floor to ceiling, and each book
is a friend.  There are comfortable chairs to read
or daydream in, and people are exclaiming aloud as they
read, talking about their books.  Scribbled notes to another
companion, chocolate or tear stains, exclamations
and remembered quotes, all these line the margins
of the books, a conversation between the friends
and the authors gone before and all else who read
these books.  

Where everyone is welcome, where truth
goodness and beauty are pursued together
where love of God and love of one another
are the most important things in the world
where true friends have everything in common, 
this is a little piece of heaven.  This is home.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Holy Fire

Standing before the eternal throne of glory,

I watch as my life is built up

into a palace, a shack, a building

formed by thoughts, words, and actions.  

The shining thought, loving word, Christ-like

deed, all these are shimmering, reflecting

the light of the glory of God.  Enduring

for a lifetime, supporting and sustaining

the building, all that glitters is glory.

But the prideful thought, careless word, wicked

deed, all these are half-baked bricks,

sloppy stonework, weak and rotting wood.

Mixed throughout the work are materials

both firm and frail, base and beautiful.

And still the building of my life is built.

Finally it is finished, the Lord looks

and commands with a wave of His hand—

“It must be purged—by fire.”  Aghast

I stand staring as holy fire

rains down, purifying, purging, consuming

all that is crass or carelessly constructed,

perfecting and polishing the pure.  It rages,

reflecting off of gold and silver, bouncing

back the divine light.  

The fire fades

and what remains glistens ever brighter

in the glory of God.  It stands

scarred, yet whole and holy

through the purifying fire 

which no base thing can endure.

All is made well through holy flame.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

soundtrack to my life-part 23

After a rather long vacation, I'm back to blogging again :)  If you haven't gotten the point yet, wheatstone is amazing and y'all should go next summer :)  But anyways...more music :)

1) Point of No Return-In Houston I saw Phantom of the Opera for the first time; last night I read the novel; I love this song...'nuff said.
2) Breakdown-Mae-this is now the song that I'm working on for my play...I did finish writing the Ocean.  
3) Viva La Vida-Coldplay-amazing song...the string quartet we heard at Wheatstone Houston even played their own arrangement of it...twas pretty good :)
4) Nessun Dorma-Paul Potts-amazing opera music, amazing voice, you can't get much better than this.
5) A Day Late (acoustic)-Anberlin-love this song, but I've never heard the acoustic...hope it's good :)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Fatal Glance

This poem, written during Wheatstone, was inspired by the painting of Orpheus leading Eurydice from the Underworld...if you google it you can probably find an image of it somewhere.  Though it was originally written merely to attempt to tell a bit of what I thought Orpheus might be feeling just after the moment the painting depicts, I think it encapsulates a lot of what I've been thinking about throughout the entire summer.  So enjoy!

Fatal Glance

And now, the moment is passed,

the moment which sent my beloved

to hell and ripped my heart away;

I, sentenced to a hell on earth for hell

is wherever she is not.  Forever

my doom falls upon me, and all 

for a look.  A single glance

upon that face of beauty

and light, born out of desire 

to know and not just feel

that she is once more mine.

And for this I am condemned 

to constant tears and tortures.

A single look, a glance at beauty,

and it forever flees from my

grasp.  Must we live forever 

apart, simply because I loved?  

Because I wished to see, to behold

my beloved, she suffers in sorrow.

Nothing can saver her now, not

pleas nor promises nor even love.

Love, which led me here to her,

and which tore her away

from me.  The price of a single

look, that fatal glance upon

the beauty of the beloved,

for no one may see 

the face of their god and yet live,

and she was my god.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

License, Love, Long Weeks...

Hello all faithful followers...
Sorry I haven't been posting in a while...Wheatstone was amazing though :)  I just got back from Houston on Saturday night and am now resting my mind, heart, and body from an amazing week. 

 Random note of interest...I am now a fully licensed driver!  Amazing!!!!!

At what point does love cease to become love, and become merely obsession?

THe myth of Orpheus and Eurydice is a fascinatingly tragic one...his one simple glance cost them both their happiness, and cost his beloved her life.  Was his love too obsessive, though?  He couldn't sacrifice that glance, and so lost her forever...Christ sacrificed all for us and gave us new life...

Just some thoughts for the week :)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Descent into Life

Wheatstone is over, done, fin.  We were living on the mountain, now we must descend into the fog and blurred vision and rough, uneven terrain of everyday life.  On the mountain, high above the clouds, everything was vivid, clear, reality was not only in sight but in reach.  We could see, hear, touch, and taste real things, not just a shadow through the mists.  People were so real, so vibrant, so alive, on this mountain.  Without distraction or external cares, with nothing to worry but the burdens each one carried themselves, each sorrow and joy, each failure and triumph, was magnified a thousand times and shaped and molded us.  On the mountain, beauty was everywhere, in art, in music, in our companions most of all.  To quote Dr. Reynolds, people were so alive and wonderful that all you could do was to exclaim through tears of joy "My God!  The very face of God!"  Joy was there, up on the mountain, and so was grief.  But then, as always, we began the long descent into the real world.  Though reality was on the mountain, we can not bear reality for very long.  We all must come down from the mountain, through the fog and smog and rocky paths back to the world we live in.  Sometimes, the fog is so thick that we can barely see, barely remember what beauty was atop the mountain.  We become discouraged, tired, unwilling to go on.  But when we need it most, a song, a sunset, a smile remind us of the beauty we could touch and taste on the mountain, and we take courage and press on.  Living below the mountain, let us never forget what we saw.  After beholding such raw glory, beauty, and pain, we must carry that memory with us always, strengthening and spurring us onward until we ascend the mountain once more.  For "All shall be well and/ All manner of thing shall be well/ When the tongues of flame are in-folded/ Into the crowned knot of fire/ And the fire and the rose are one."

Monday, July 20, 2009


I have returned from the realm of Rebecca's domain...aka Wheatstone...and have so many things to think about and blog about.  So much, in fact, that it shall take me some days to compose everything I want to say here.  So be patient, thoughts shall be forthcoming before I am off again to Houston for more of the same :)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Happy Birthday!

To the most wonderful
dad on the face of the earth,
my solid rock, my knight
in shining armor, my
protector, provider,
my father

Thursday, July 9, 2009

3 more days...

until Wheatstone.  I'm really really excited to be back in a community of intellectual, thinking students :)  To be reminded once again what the good life looks like, to renew my desire to develop a well-ordered soul, to challenge myself and stretch myself ever harder, but also to rest from the distractions of the outside world...Wheatstone will be good.  Since Wheatstone last year, there has been a lot of turbulence in my life, a lot of confusion and being blown hither and thither by many influences.  In a sense, I feel slightly like Harriet Vane, returning to Shrewsbury and the academic life after much time in a dramatic and distracting outer world.  (I have a tendency to compare almost every incident in my life to a book or movie, so bear with me :P)  But I'm very happy to be returning to Wheatstone and I look forward to seeing what new goodness, truth, and beauty I will discover through it :)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Museum musings...

Yesterday, I had the privilege of spending an amazing day at the Norton Simon museum in Pasadena with some amazing Torrey friends: Gabriel, Emily, Mary Kate, Christian, Jonathan, Rafael, Jessie, and Katie (plus the amazing chauffeur/bringer of sandwiches-Mrs. Nelson).  It had been ages and ages since I had been to an art museum, so I was very excited to be able to spend some time with good friends and beautiful art :)  However, I came away from the museum somewhat disturbed and confused in soul.  Art-paintings, sculptures, alterpieces, and such-is amazingly beautiful (for the most part).  A few paintings in particular caught my eye while I was by Monet of an adorable garden and house, and another 19th century piece of a huge cathedral interior (I don't remember which one :(  But as I looked more and more at the painting of the church in particular, and contemplated how vast and glorious cathedrals are compared to men, I realized something.  This art is so much more beautiful than what we think we encounter on a daily basis...but the people around us are even more beautiful, because they are real.  Monet's paintings of his gardens are some of my favorite in the world, and yet the garden outside my window is even more beautiful, because it is real.  It saddens me sometimes, that it takes a museum for me to see the beauty in those around me.  But perhaps this is the purpose of make us look back to the original that it reflects?  Coming away from the museum, though, I realized that the most beautiful artwork I saw yesterday was not any of the paintings on the wall nor any of the sculptures in the garden, but the friends that I spent the day with.

Soundtrack to my Life-Part 22

I know this is a day late, but MaryKate said that she enjoys my music, so I'm changing it for her :)  Enjoy!

1) In honour of MaryKate, summertime, and true love, I give you one of the most beautiful songs ever penned...for pop/rock, that is :)  The Ocean, by Mae
2) Jesus Thank You-a fantastic worship song...though I must say, I think we do it better than the recording (we meaning my worship team)
3) Moment Musical No. 5-Rachmaninoff-one of my favorite pieces that I'm learning for my senior recital :)
4) Let It Be-The Beatles-thank you Jessie Nelson for reintroducing me to this I know why everyone learning the piano wants to learn this song :)
5) Hope-We Shot the Moon-I want to learn the piano for this song so's so gorgeous, plus middle name and a very crucial part of me

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A rose by any other name...

So I realized today, that although I've been regularly driving my grandma/dad's Cadillac Escalade for several months, I still have not given it a good name.  For those who know me, I have a penchant for naming inanimate objects-my laptop is Chesterton, my dad's/my Acura is Eliot, my iPod is Darcy, my piano is Cecelia, and my keyboard is Autumn.  Therefore, to name the car I currently drive is of high import to me...but I'm stuck on a name.  I want to name it after a favorite composer, but I can't figure out exactly which one fits a large (suburban-size), boxy, slightly touchy, tan-coloured car.  Right now I'm thinking possibly Rachmaninoff, Beethoven, Brahms, or Tchaikovsky.  What do you all think?  Please, give me suggestions :)   If it would really help, maybe I'll post a picture of the car :)  

Friday, June 26, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty Six-"Z"

So today's the final day of this blog challenge...rejoice with me all ye who persevered and read the entire thing :)

Z-Zucchini Bread

As the final post in this blog challenge, this post ought to be the one that goes out with a bang: bright, dazzling, clever, and well written.  However, with a letter like this one, this task seemed at first to be a rather daunting one?  How was I to write two hundred wonderful words on a topic that seemed so illusory?  But then I remembered a topic so simple yet so interesting, and delicious too :)  Zucchini bread, a sweet bread, similar in texture to banana bread, is absolutely one of the most delicious sweet loaves you can make.  Although it may sound somewhat odd, the grated zucchini baked into the loaves not only gives them a fantastic and slightly vegetabley flavor, but the juice from the zucchini helps the bread remain moist, and fluffy.  Crisp and brown on the outside, light as a cloud within, the perfect loaf of zucchini bread, when sliced and served warm with butter, is a snack to die for.  And now that I’m rapsodizing over the loveliness that is zucchini bread, I’m beginning to want to bake some :)  For actions speak louder than words, but zucchini bread is shouting my name louder than all else.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty Five-"Y"

Today is the penultimate post of my twenty-six day blog challenge!!!  Two more letters to go and then I will have succeeded :)

Y-Youth Sunday

One of my favorite youth events at our church, is Youth Sunday.  Youth Sunday, occurring once every year on the second Sunday in September, is a time for the high schoolers to step up and take leadership in the church.  On this particular Sunday, the high school group leads the entire service, from worship to dramas to speech choirs to speaking  Although the theme for the service is chosen by our youth pastor, the rest of the service is decided, organized, and put on by the high school students.  For the past two years, I’ve been privileged to play piano in worship, and last year I actually assisted in leading the worship team by writing music for and leading the orchestra portion of the worship team, comprised of two flautists and a cellist.  In addition to leading worship, I’ve helped write skits, participated in speech choirs, and helped to organize the presentation portion of one of four mini topics.  This service is an important part of the church, I think, as the youth who will someday be the adult congregation learn to take responsibility and show that they have taken to heart all they’ve learned over the past several years.

Soundtrack to My Life-Part 21

I really liked this weeks songs...but it's time to change them again.  So here goes!  Too bad I can't find a couple of our VBS songs to put on here, they're quite...VBSish :P  

1) Hungarian Dance No. 5-Brahms-I actually really really like the first Hungarian Dance better, but they didn't have it online, so I put this one up.  A friend and I are debating between #s 5 and 1 to learn for my senior recital...all musicians out there, what's your take?
2) Tears of the Saints-Leeland-another gorgeous Leeland song :)  I absolutely love their first album, not as much their second but I'll try and give it another listen :)
3) The Prayer-Josh Groban and Charlotte Church-this is such a gorgeous song by such gorgeous voices...I printed off an easy piano version of this song, but it has chords so I can improvise some on it :)
4) A Day Late-Anberlin-this is such a fun song, with fantastic lyrics :)
5) Empty Me-Jeremy Camp-I just love this worship it's such a simple chord progression-G, D, em, C-it's the only one I can play on guitar :P

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty Four-"X"

This letter is going to be the absolute hardest to come up with a topic...but I am going to do it :)  


Yes, this is a legitimate word.  According to WikiAnswers and my very very limited knowledge of Greek, it means a guide or one who conducts strangers.  A seemingly pedantic term known only to a few, it however can be a jumping off point to some fascinating ideas.  To conduct strangers along their way, to step out of your own comfort zone and give aid not to your friends and family, but to those you don’t even know.  One who guides strangers must have both great trust in their fellow man, and great wisdom of their fellow man.  To guide someone, you are setting yourself up in a position of knowledge over them; you are saying “I know the way, you do not, so let me help you.”  This takes a certain amount of audacity towards strangers, unless the xenagogue has a great understanding of human kind.  Guiding a stranger takes courage, wisdom, and above all, love.  To lead your friends and instruct and aid them, takes no great virtue, for most people would be willing to help their friends.  But to lend aid to strangers, to offer to lead those whom you don’t even know, this is a loving service.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty Three-"W"

Since this morning was our church’s VBS, and this evening was worship practice for Sunday morning , today’s blog post is going to be slightly different from my previous posts.  This blog post topic is the World, so for this topic I’m going to post a poem I wrote this evening, with the world as a minor theme.  Enjoy and comment! 

Secret Songs

Songs resounding all around me

An inner melody accompanying my every move

Serenading my steps, a secret song for myself alone

and outside my mind, the songs which anyone can hear.

Beautiful they may be, true

they may be, good

they may be, and yet

I hear them not, I am deafened to all else

by my own secret song.  Two

concentric circles, two separate symphonies

One is mine and one belongs to the world

A picture of my life perhaps?

While all others walk to the music of the world 

I move and live and breathe against the unheard

rhythm that only I can hear.  An inner life

separate and secret, and these words,

which tune do they reflect?  My love,

to which melody do you move?  The outer or inner, 

projected or unheard, visible or secret song?

Tuesday Shout Out

...goes to...Grace Ciccarello!  (please tell me I spelled your last name right :P)  Grace, another friend who the amazing Torrey Academy introduced to me.   Or rather, a combination of TA and cotillion.  Interesting story by the way, in Christmas 2007 at the cotillion Christmas ball, I saw Grace for the first time, and recognized her name from her name tag as someone I had occasionally talked to on Bubbs.  I introduced myself, she remembered me well, and we've been friends ever since.  Grace...amazingly energetic, lover of Italian food (hurrah for Italians!!), fellow fan-fiction writer.  You're an awesome friend, and I've loved the few times we've gotten to hang out in person :)  Thank you for spurring me on to think more deeply about things, and generally being so much fun!!  You're loads of fun to hang out with, discuss with, (and no I promise I won't call you a hamster again).  Grace, intelligent, excitable, Italian, fun, sweet, amazing friend.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty Two-"V"


People have many different physical features that set them apart from everyone else, that make them unique, that single them out from the crowd and say, or even shout, “This is me!”  And different people have different physical features that they will notice more easily.  Some of my friends say that the first thing they notice about someone is their hair.  Curly or straight, long or short, brown, black or blond, our hair is the defining characteristic to many of our friends.  To other people, it is the eyes that set one friend apart from another.  When meeting someone new, these people are drawn instantly to their eyes, not only to their colour and shape, but their expression.  But for me, one of the most distinguishing characteristics of a person, the easiest way for me to pick my friends out of a crowd, is their voices.  Loud and exhuberant, soft and sweet, deep and resonant, shrill or smooth, no matter what the characteristic, each person’s voice has its own peculiar quality that sets it apart from the voice of every other person I know.  Hair will grow grey, a face is easily forgotten, but your voice will never be forgotten.

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty One-"U"

Lately, I've had to make a lot of decisions in my life: some major and life-altering, others unlasting or seemingly inconsequential.  Do I go to this event or that one?  Do I eat this dessert or that one (or both:P)?  Do I go to yet another activity or do I stay home?  In the past few weeks a handful of more life-changing decisions than the ones above have come up, causing me to stop and think more carefully about how I make choices that will affect me so deeply.  When faced with a difficult decision such as colleges, careers, my future, where do I turn?  Do I talk to family or friends?  Do I pray?  Do I go with what feels best then or try and reason it out?  Making major decisions has always been somewhat of a challenge for me.  And really no matter what the decision, I seem incapable of choosing one desirable option over another.  No matter what the decision, I want it all.  From dessert to dreams for my life, from clothes to colleges, I want both, not one.  And so I remain unable to choose.  Without wisdom from above, I am perpetually undecided.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Twenty-"T"

Today's blog post is going to be slightly different.  Inspired by Gabriel's Happiness is (found at it'll be in list and phrase format rather than a full paragraph with complete sentences.  It'll still be 200 words on a topic beginning with T though, so don't worry :)

T-True Happiness

True Happiness is...

the sun peeking through the clouds over the mountains after many weeks of dreary fogginess

silly chatter and laughter with best friends who love you no matter what you say

knowing who you are and what God requires of you, and acting on it

being surrounded by people who care, discussing the ideas that matter most

driving into the sunset with cool wind blowing your hair while listening to Mae

licking the spoon after baking chocolate chip cookies with Grandma

saying “terrible good” and knowing there are crazy teenagers who know what you mean

the moment when an idea from a book finally ‘clicks’ and you realize what that other author was talking about

reading Chesterton’s poetry while eating an apple and listening to Elgar’s Cello Concerto

playing a piece on the piano and realizing that a part of your soul was somehow wrapped up in that piece

the tears that come to your eyes when you look around you and realize that all you need for life is here in this room

looking into someone’s eyes and being allowed a glimpse into their soul

loving someone wholeheartedly without fear of rejection

glorifying and enjoying God forever

Friday, June 19, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Nineteen-"S"


Sarah, my sweet sister, you are such a delight to be around.  As the middle child, and by far the quietest in our family, it takes longer to notice Sarah, but once you do, you realize just how much she does behind the scenes.  Always willing to serve others, she cheerfully works backstage to help the family, perfectly content to stay out of the limelight.  Shy and sweet upon first contact, Sarah nevertheless has a silly sense of humor, a delightful energy, and a vibrant personality which makes everyone love her.  In a sense, she shares many characteristics with her pet guinea pig, Grace.  Both are quiet and somewhat shy of strangers, love to cuddle, and are much more comfortable with those they know well.  For many years, Sarah has been little sis to me, the cute little kid who tags along behind me before running off to play with her younger friends.  But now that she’s eleven, and going into fifth grade (I remember the days when upper elementary was the biggest deal in the world) she’s become more than just a little kid, but a close friend who I can talk to and encourage.  Silly, sweet, sunny...Sarah.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Eighteen-"R"

R-Ready and Waiting to Fall

     As many of you know, Mae has been my absolute favorite band ever since I discovered them last September.  So it should come as no surprise that at least one blog post would be dedicated to them.  “Ready and Waiting to Fall”, off Mae’s album The Everglow, is, in my opinion, the first truly uplifiting song of the album.  Particularly in the play I’m writing based off the album, it comes directly after the turning point of the play, where the main character Micah finally realizes the way to achieve his dreams.  In “Ready and Waiting to Fall” the “aha” moment has come, Micah is beginning to truly fulfill his dreams, and according to the song, “[he] can feel something different for the first time.”  An upbeat, energetic song with gorgeous lyrics, “Ready and Waiting to Fall” draws a joyful picture of someone who is seeing life afresh, realizing all of the joy and newness that it holds for them, and coming out of darkness into the brilliant sunshine.  The line “Heaven makes sense, and all the words rhyme” is simply one of the most beautiful lines Mae has ever penned.  Poetic words, gorgeous guitars, this song has it all.

Soundtrack to My Life-Part 20

1) Carried to the Table-Leeland-I just re-discovered this band last week, and am really loving them.  They have a refreshing, clear worship sound, but yet also some more fun upbeat stuff as well.  Next to this, Sound of Melodies and Hey are my favorites off their first album...both wonderful songs.
2)Ready and Waiting to Fall-Mae-this'll actually be today's blog topic as's such a great song :)
3) We Beseech Thee-Godspell-although this is a great musical, Biola Youth Theater did so much better of a job with this :)  
4) Summer of '69-Bryan Adams-now I don't usually listen to Bryan Adams...but it is sorta a catchy song, plus I had fun writing a parody of this song about a horrible sunburn I got last summer :P
5) Paperthin Hymn-Anberlin-I still like Cities best, but Anberlin's other albums are starting to grow on me as well...this is such a sad song :(

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Everglow-Mae-ipod shuffle quiz 2.0

So, Darcy (my iPod) was offended that I used iTunes instead of him, so to oblige Darcy, I've re-written my answers based off my iPod.  Same rules still apply, no skipping except for classical songs STARTING WITH A NUMBER.  If it doesn't start with a number, NO SKIPPING.

RULES: 1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle 

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. 


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Over the River-Jon Foreman


WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? The Fisherman Song-Mae-makes no sense but it's a gorgeous song :)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Star of the County Down-Von Trapp Children


WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Call Me irresponsible-Michael Buble-hahaha maybe they do :P

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Ammunition-Switchfoot-hahah jk I love you guys :)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? A Melody, The Memory-Mae-ahh so true

WHAT IS 2+2? Revolutionary Love-David Crowder Band


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? The Riders of Rohan-Howard Shore

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Many Meetings-Howard Shore

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Mrs. Darcy-JeanYves Thibaudet-hahah this one is perfect








So a few of these did come out fave would have to definitely be What do you want to be when you grow up?  Fun, yes?  Since most of these came out rather that the fault of the shuffle, the quiz, or my music?  Plus I did skip all the classical stuff so you actually got slightly decent answers...:)

Blog Challenge-Day Seventeen-"Q"

At Wheatstone, one of the most intriguing things out of many wonderful things, was our almost daily quiet time.  Before going to Wheatstone last summer, I did understand the importance of quiet time in a general, “Yah it’s good but I’d never find time for it” sort of way.   But seeing the heavy importance that the Wheatstone staff put on this solitude, time of contemplation and quiet, made me rethink my previous hesitancy to commit to quiet time.  After an intense discussion or mind-blowing lecture, it was refreshing to go outside on the lush grass under a shady tree and just rest my mind.  Thinking, praying, reflecting, without distractions or sound or anything else but silence, is good for your soul just as much as deep thought or discussion or good books or movies or community.  Spending time with people is important, but so is the occasional silence alone.  Too often even when we’re alone, we are listening to our iPods, watching a movie, or IMing friends.  Rarely do we truly sit still.  T. S. Eliot prays, “Teach us to care and not to care,/ Teach us to sit still/ Even among these rocks,/ our peace in his will.”

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Blog Challenge-Day Sixteen-"P"


Probably many of my readers will not be surprised at today’s blog topic.  Since I was a little girl, one of my recurring dreams has been to be a published poet.  From Robert Lewis Stevenson to G. K. Chesterton, from Emily Dickinson to Christina Rosetti, I have always loved both reading and writing poetry.  My first love was the structured rhyme and rhythm of the monthly memorized poems in elementary school.  As I grew older and my writing matured slightly, I still clung to the form and security that metered and rhymed poetry provided, agonizing over finding the perfect word with the perfect syllable count.  But in the spring of my Inklings year, I discovered T. S. Eliot, seemingly defying all structure and form.  However, the more I read and listened and allowed his melodies to sink in, the more I grew to love Eliot’s poetry, painting vivid images in my mind of trees and roses and dusty chapels and whirling worlds.  His poetry has come to affect mine, as lately my poetry has been more concerned with image and emotion than structure.  In conclusion, here are two of my poems, reflecting both sides of the same coin of poetry.

Slave to Love 

Your Love is Strong, compassionate

Your Mercies, Neverending

You see all, Yet Love me still

So I can cease Pretending 

To be a girl with Heart too pure

To ever need Your Aid

Instead I come with Pleading Soul

Longing to be Saved

From the Secret Shames I hide away

From the Guilt within my Heart

Your Love is Strong, it covers me.

Love’s pierced me with His Dart

I’m now a slave, I will do nothing

Unless You bid me to.

Love freed my Heart, I can choose my Fate

But I Love You, I Choose You.

Panes of Glass

He stares at her through a broken pane of glass,

His eyes reflect the sorrow in his heart

Around him his world is falling, breaking

Yet there is no one to stop it, no one to heal the pain

Slowly ever slowly, his heart is being torn away

Ripped into shreds and trampled underfoot

Yet all this and more he would endure for her

He would shatter the panes of glass

That stand between them, and yet

He cannot, for to do so would bring infinitely more pain,

So he stands, staring out of helpless, hopeless eyes

Hating the one who said forbidden fruit was sweet

It is not, it is bitter, dry, full of pain and anguish

Yet he has chosen to eat of it still

For that is the way of love

Love reaches through the glass and into her heart

Is this right?  Is this good?  They don’t know

Self-inflicted torture, unspeakable bliss and joy

And as they love silently, hopefully, fervently

The cracks deepen, the ice thaws, and someday

The glass will come crashing down

And they will be...